My plan was to bring yoghurt to school for lunch. Because you’re a mooch, you’d come along and ask me to share it with you. I’d then feed it to, intentionally mess some all over your chin and be like, “Let me get that for you.” I’d then lean in with my tongue hanging out of my mouth, lick it all off and then segue into a kiss. We’d be front-page news.
Instead, you kissed one of these freshman bitches right in front of me.
"I have a skill for being captivated by the uninterested."
Had my heart broken into a million little pieces yesterday.
I always knew that the two of us were never going to happen, but to have you say it so explicitly, so swiftly and with a smile on your face killed me. Thank the lawd that I wasn’t sober enough to cry about it.
Looks like I’m gonna have to learn to be my own boo.
Are looks important in a relationship? To an extent, yes. It’s nice to have someone who’s nice to look at. But overly pretty boys are a turn-off to me. Pictures of Trey Songz, for example, make me nauseous.
Are relationships ever worth it? Yes. Even if they fail, I strongly believe that getting one’s heartbroken and subsequently getting over it is an integral part of the experience of being a human person.
Are you a virgin? Oh my god I’m a total whore.
Are you in a relationship? Been single for 7 years. I had a little bit of a thing with a dude last year but I’m still not quite sure exactly what that entailed, how it ended or how it started.
Are you in love? You could say that.
Are you single this year? Yah.
Can you commit to one person? Yes.
Describe your crush: Tall. Skinny. You could say he’s lanky. He’s got the facial bone structure synonymous with North African men. The most gorgeous pair of full lips and deep, chocolate-brown eyes. He’s beautiful.
Describe your perfect mate: I don’t like this question.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really.
Do you ever want to get married? I do. I already have a playlist planned.
Do you forgive betrayal? Double-edged sword. I betrayed a friend a couple of years ago and I still kick myself every day for it. Even if he has forgiven me, I can’t forgive myself for it.
Do you get jealous easily? Of course I do. When I see some girl tryna hug my crush, I’m ready to bust a cap in her ass.
Do you have a crush on anyone? How many times am I going to answer this question?
Do you have any piercings? My ears. Wanna get my eyebrows done while I’m still young enough to get away with it.
Do you have any tattoos? I wanna get one on my pelvis of a pistol pointing into my jocks, a la pornstar Eddie Diaz. I would like to think that it represents sexual liberation.
Do you like kissing in public? Not really. I’m not into hectic PDAs.
Do you masturbate? EVERYDAY I’M SHUFFLING.
Do you shave your neither regions? Yeah.
Do you shower every day? Yes.
Do you think someone has feelings for you? Plausible, but highly unlikely.
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?Dude, I’m practically a celeb on campus. People can’t keep my name outta their mouths.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Most definitely. That type of dishonesty is the reason I had a fucked-up childhood, so I’m not about to repeat that cycle.
Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No.
Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I do.